Book summary of “The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love” By Susan Jeffers
The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love is a self-help book by Susan Jeffers that helps readers overcome their fears and create lasting, loving relationships. The book is divided into 10 chapters, each of which focuses on a different fear that can prevent people from forming healthy relationships.
In the first chapter, Jeffers introduces the three pillars of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. She argues that all three pillars are necessary for a lasting relationship, and that each pillar can be strengthened by facing and overcoming our fears.
In the following chapters, Jeffers discusses specific fears that can prevent people from forming close relationships, such as fear of abandonment, fear of entrapment, fear of loss of self, fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected, fear of being unlovable, and fear of being hurt.
Jeffers provides readers with tools and strategies for overcoming their fears, such as visualization, affirmations, and meditation. She also encourages readers to be open and honest with their partners about their fears, and to seek professional help if they need it.
The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love is a valuable resource for anyone who is struggling with their relationships. Jeffers’s compassionate and insightful advice can help readers to overcome their fears and create the loving relationships they desire.
II. The 3 Pillars of Love
Susan Jeffers believes that there are three pillars of love:
- Intimacy
- Commitment
- Compersion
Intimacy is the ability to be close to someone and share your thoughts and feelings with them. Commitment is the willingness to stay with someone through good times and bad. And compersion is the ability to feel joy when your partner experiences happiness with someone else.
Jeffers believes that these three pillars are essential for creating a lasting and fulfilling relationship. When you have intimacy, commitment, and compersion, you are able to build a strong foundation for your relationship that can withstand any challenges that come your way.
III. Fear of Abandonment
The fear of abandonment is one of the most common fears that people experience in relationships. It is the fear that the person we love will leave us or reject us. This fear can be triggered by a number of things, such as past experiences of abandonment, or by a current relationship that is not meeting our needs.
When we are afraid of abandonment, we may try to control our partner’s behavior in order to prevent them from leaving us. We may become clingy or possessive, or we may try to sabotage the relationship in some way. These behaviors are often counterproductive, and they can actually push our partner away.
The best way to deal with the fear of abandonment is to learn to trust yourself and your partner. You need to believe that you are worthy of love, and that your partner is not going to leave you. You also need to learn to communicate your needs and wants to your partner in a healthy way.
If you are struggling with the fear of abandonment, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to identify the root of your fear and develop coping mechanisms to help you manage it.
III. Fear of Abandonment
The fear of abandonment is one of the most common fears that people experience in relationships. It is the fear that the person you love will leave you or that you will not be able to keep them in your life. This fear can be caused by a number of factors, such as:
- Previous experiences of abandonment
- Attachment style
- Low self-esteem
The fear of abandonment can lead to a number of problems in relationships, such as:
- Jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Neediness
If you are struggling with the fear of abandonment, there are a number of things you can do to overcome it. These include:
- Talking to your partner about your fears
- Seeking professional help
- Working on your self-esteem
The fear of abandonment is a common fear, but it is one that can be overcome. By working on your fears and taking steps to build a healthy relationship, you can overcome the fear of abandonment and enjoy a lasting love.
V. Fear of Loss of Self
The fear of loss of self is the fear that you will lose your sense of identity and individuality in a relationship. You may be afraid that you will become too dependent on your partner, or that you will lose your own sense of self-worth. This fear can be especially strong if you have a history of being in relationships where you have felt smothered or controlled.
To overcome the fear of loss of self, it is important to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and independence. You need to be confident in your own abilities and worth, and you need to be able to maintain your own sense of identity even when you are in a relationship.
It is also important to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. This means being clear about your needs and wants, and being assertive in communicating those needs to your partner. You need to make sure that you are not giving up too much of yourself in order to please your partner.
If you are struggling with the fear of loss of self, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to identify the root of your fear and develop strategies for overcoming it.
III. Fear of Entrapment
The fear of entrapment is the fear of being trapped in a relationship that is not fulfilling or that is not right for you. This fear can lead you to avoid relationships altogether or to stay in relationships that are not healthy.
If you are struggling with the fear of entrapment, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people feel this way, and there are ways to overcome it.
One way to overcome the fear of entrapment is to talk to your partner about your concerns. Express your fears and listen to their perspective. If you are not able to resolve your fears through communication, it may be helpful to seek professional help.
It is also important to remember that you are not obligated to stay in a relationship that is not right for you. If you are feeling trapped, it is important to take steps to leave the relationship. This may be difficult, but it is important to remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you happy.
VII. Fear of Being Hurt
The fear of being hurt is one of the most common fears that people experience in relationships. It can be caused by a variety of factors, such as past experiences of being hurt, a fear of intimacy, or a fear of being vulnerable. When we are afraid of being hurt, we may try to avoid relationships altogether or we may become controlling and possessive in our relationships in an attempt to prevent ourselves from getting hurt.
The fear of being hurt can be a very destructive force in relationships. It can prevent us from forming close relationships with others and it can make it difficult for us to trust and be vulnerable with our partners. If you are struggling with the fear of being hurt, it is important to address this fear head-on. You can do this by talking to a therapist, reading books about the topic, or joining a support group.
It is also important to remember that no relationship is perfect and that there will always be some risk of getting hurt. However, the benefits of being in a loving relationship far outweigh the risks. If you are willing to take the risk, you can find a lasting love that will make your life richer and more fulfilling.
Fear of Being Unlovable
VIII. Fear of Being Unlovable
The fear of being unlovable is one of the most common and destructive fears that people experience. It can lead to a variety of problems in relationships, including anxiety, insecurity, and low self-esteem.
People who fear that they are unlovable often believe that there is something wrong with them that makes them unworthy of love. They may feel like they are not good enough, or that they are not deserving of love.
This fear can be very difficult to overcome, but it is important to remember that everyone is worthy of love. There is nothing wrong with you if you have not found love yet. It simply means that you have not met the right person yet.
If you are struggling with the fear of being unlovable, it is important to talk to someone about it. A therapist can help you to identify the root of your fear and develop strategies for overcoming it.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who feel the same way you do. You are worthy of love, and you will find someone who loves you for who you are.
IX. Fear of Being Hurt
The fear of being hurt is one of the most common fears that people experience in relationships. It can be caused by a number of factors, such as past experiences of being hurt, a lack of trust in others, or a fear of intimacy.
When we are afraid of being hurt, we may try to avoid relationships altogether or we may become overly controlling in our relationships in an attempt to prevent ourselves from being hurt. However, these strategies are ultimately not effective in preventing us from being hurt.
The only way to overcome the fear of being hurt is to face it head-on. This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in relationships and to trust that our partners will not hurt us. It also means learning to forgive ourselves and others for the mistakes that we make.
When we are able to overcome the fear of being hurt, we can open ourselves up to the possibility of experiencing deep and lasting love.